It’s a conversation no one wants to have. The emotional weight of recognizing the red flags that your parents need home care can be a burden.
If you notice the physical, emotional, cognitive, or environmental signs that your parents need home care, it’s important to take the time to plan out how to approach the conversation with your parents.
And your siblings need to be involved in the conversation.
This is no easy feat. This blog will walk you through why family unity matters when making care decisions and how to approach your siblings when the time comes.
Signs It’s Time to Talk About Home Care
Aging parents often display signs that they may be in need home care. These can be hard to notice if you see your parents every day so it is important to know what to look for.
Aging parents might display physical, observable signs that they can’t keep up with the day-to-day. But there may also be cognitive, emotional, and environmental signs, too.
Physical: Physical signs are the most obvious indicators that your parent or parents aren’t taking care of themselves. This might be something as basic as a lack of hygiene, or it could be more subtle like bruises on their arms from falling, or an appetite loss that goes unnoticed at first.
Cognitive and Emotional: Parents may display cognitive or emotional signs of aging, such as frequent confusion, anxiety, repeating themselves, or getting irritated or upset. These changes may onset subtly and you might not notice them right away.
Environmental: Environmental signs can include failure to keep up with household chores, spoiled food in the fridge, and even caregiver burnout — especially if one parent is looking after the other.
How to Talk to Siblings About a Parent’s Need for Home Care
If you recognize the signs that your parents might need home care, it’s important to start a dialogue with your siblings.
The conversation may be difficult but you will need each other in this process, and the support you can provide one another and your parents is invaluable.
Here is a step-by-step guide on how to approach your siblings with a difficult conversation like this one.
Step 1: Gather the Facts First
Before you have the discussion with your siblings, be sure to gather the facts of the case. You’ll want to document the concerns that you’ve noticed about your parents with specific examples.
Do you remember the times that they have fallen or missed their medicine? Is their hygiene noticeably lacking?
Try to be as specific and detailed as you can to avoid confusion.
During this process, it would be a good idea to jot down an overview of your parent’s current medical, financial and living situation. Are they living in an apartment by themselves? Do they need to take the stairs to get inside their home? How far away is their nearest relative? Are they taking a lot of medicine throughout the day?
Documenting these details will give you a firm standing for outlining the amount of care needed. Not only will this be required for your home care provider, but you will also be able to see the resources needed to make sure your parents are happy and well-cared-for.
Your parents might be managing chronic conditions that need more attentive care than your family members can provide on their own.
Live-in home care providers like those with Care Indeed can provide comprehensive living assistance, and can help your parents complete household chores, run errands, and more while ensuring independence.
Step 2: Understand the Legal Landscape
The next consideration during this process should include legal matters. It’s important to know who is designated as the proper legal decision-maker in the family.
Your parents may have denoted a healthcare proxy or medical power of attorney in their estate documents, such as a living trust, healthcare power of attorney document or will. If you don’t know this information, be sure to mark it down as a point that you need to address with your parents or legal council.
If your sibling has been designated, they will need to take control of the situation to help determine when certain decisions need to be made. You want to be mindful of this so it doesn’t feel like you are stepping on their toes or forcing them to make a decision they don’t want to make.
Home care service providers will need to understand who is making decisions on behalf of your parents.
This will help ensure proper communication and that your parents take their medicine on time, get timely medication refills, and receive the support they need, such as doctor’s appointments or home modifications.
Step 3: Approach the Conversation with Empathy
If you’re ready to sit down with your siblings to have this conversation, then you’ll want to schedule a time for the discussions. It would help to give them some basic information so that they are prepared and not shocked when they realize what you wish to discuss.
You’ll want to delicately let them know that you need to talk about your parents current living situation. During the discussion, use collaborative language. Consider phrases such as “I’m concerned” and “How can we support our parents” without placing blame on your other sibling(s) for inaction. This is particularly important if you do not see your parents as frequently as your siblings or if you live out of town. You do not want this to become a finger pointing session. Remember, subtle changes are hard to see if you do not have time away.
Focus on the facts of the situation and the shared goals, which is to ultimately care for your parents the best way you can.
Step 4: Work Toward a Shared Plan
Once you and your siblings have reached a good point in the conversation, you’ll want to prepare some information so that you can share this with your parents. They will need to be included in the conversation so that they are informed and in control of their life.
Your parents will also need to make important decisions. Consider dividing responsibilities between family members so that the workload is fair. This includes financial, logistical, legal, and even emotional responsibilities.
Tools like shared calendars, group texts, and other tools can help coordinate the care that your family and home care professionals can provide.
Step 5: Be Sure to Outline the Benefits of Home Care
This conversation with your siblings is not just about growing concern for your parents, but it also offers hope with a solution. If you notice that your parents are struggling in their daily life, your siblings may be relieved when they learn that home care is an option.
Home care professionals don’t have to live in the home 24/7. There are multiple types of home care support:
- Home care that specializes in disease management
- Hourly home care
- Medication management
- Full-time live-in care
- Concierge services for long-term care
- In-home physical therapy
- And much more
By exploring home care, you’ll see that you don’t have to resign your parents to a 24/7 helper. You can pick and choose the needs that best fit the situation, ensuring that your parents get the exact care that they need.
Step 6: Keep Communication Ongoing
This is not an easy process, so it is normal to check in more often with your family members to make sure that the needs are still being met.
You might need to consider adapting as the situation evolves. Home care can provide mental stimulation for your aging parents so it’s important that your parents enjoy being around their home care provider. You might also need to change the roles and responsibilities depending on life changes or skillset.
While unfortunate, it is also normal for conflict to crop up. Address issues proactively and collaboratively.
Family First, Always
Making sure you are giving your parents the best care as they age is one of the greatest gifts children can give.
While this may be an uncertain time, working with your siblings will make the process a lot easier. Coming together with your siblings and setting shared goals will make sure that your parents receive the best care and that the process is amenable for your entire family.
Care Indeed offers a range of in-home care services in the Bay area. Care Indeed hires the best, professional trained and state-registered caregivers to provide care services such as around-the-clock care, medication management, hourly care, and more.
No matter what your parents need, our comprehensive care plans and flexible scheduling options ensure that your parents are supported throughout their health journey and they can get the care that they need.
For holistic home care, trust in Care Indeed. Contact us today to get care now.
