Dear Vanessa,
My mother and I live together, and I still work full-time. I’m starting to see her slowly decline in her functional abilities, although she can still do many things independently. I want to be proactive instead of waiting for a crisis. When should I start considering home care?
Evelyn
Dear Evelyn,
Thank you for asking such a thoughtful question and for being proactive. I want to acknowledge something that often goes unspoken: many families only look into home care when a fall happens, when health suddenly changes, or when a caregiver becomes overwhelmed. You are choosing a more intentional path- one that honors both your mother’s dignity and your own limits. That already reflects deep love.
The best time to explore home care is not when life becomes urgent, but when you begin noticing the small shifts in a loved one’s daily abilities, safety, or social connection. When a person can still do many things independently but needs a little more support, that is the perfect window to learn, explore resources, and understand the care landscape without pressure.
When you start early, you give yourself the gift of time - time to choose rather than rush. You can ask questions, understand how support works, learn about costs, evaluate different agencies, and build a sense of trust with the right team. That way, if or when something changes, you’ll already have a plan in place rather than scrambling in the midst of stress.
Beginning early also helps you understand what your mother truly needs beyond tasks like bathing or cooking.
A reputable home care agency should offer a Quality-of-Life Assessment that looks at her physical abilities, her emotional and social needs, her cognitive changes, and even the little things that give her meaning each day- her routines, her joys, her rituals. When home care planning starts from who she is as a person, not only from what she needs assistance with, it becomes a partnership that protects her dignity and her independence.
And there’s another part of this picture that matters: you. Caregiving is rarely one-way. You might be juggling work, personal responsibilities, and your mother’s well-being all at once. Starting early gives you space to ask yourself what you can realistically and lovingly provide without sacrificing your own health, time, or peace of mind. Sometimes home care becomes not just care for a parent, but support for the adult child who loves them.
So, you don’t need to hire anyone today. You don’t even need to make a commitment. What you are doing now- learning your options, building awareness, and considering the future-is exactly the kind of preparation that leads to the best outcomes. When the time comes, you won’t be reacting in fear or urgency. You’ll simply activate a thoughtful plan you already feel confident about.
Best, Vanessa
